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“The things I want to remember I can’t, and the things I try so hard to forget just keep coming.”
— Paula Hawkins, Into the Water (via books-n-quotes)
“Why do we try so hard for people who don’t try for us?”
— unknown
We hold onto people that we think will do the same and end up being forgotten
Right?⠀
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Passage | ReBecca DeFazio ©⠀
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“I want to make love with someone, where our fire does not clash but becomes one, devoured but not dying, thriving to be pure, warm and inviting, abundant from skin to skin.”
— Chuck Akot, “Skin to skin.”
ways to grow from relationship setbacks
- accept that setbacks test your faith in yourself, others and your goals
- respect yourself enough to self-reflect on your actions and their consequences, so that you can properly and fully embrace the setback
- learn to forgive yourself and others via careful understanding of certain intentions and patience
- life isn’t smooth sailing because you and the other person are human
- acknowledge that you’re allowed to be imperfect, but you mustn’t damage or disregard your character in the process
- put your feelings and thoughts on paper as if you’re talking to the person involved in the setback (or as if you’re narrating how things affected you/your reaction)
- stray away from self-indulgent what ifs, and circular arguments about what could or should have been
- acknowledge that difficulties will arise regardless of how much you love the other person, sometimes when you least expect them
- nurture, treat and look out for yourself via doing things that make you happy, keep you busy, or bring you peace-of-mind
- don’t feel ashamed to discuss matters with those you trust–(e.g., parent(s), siblings, friends, advisors, etc.)–to whatever extent you feel comfortable with
- try to avoid blaming one another, but rather, focus on forgiveness towards yourself and the other person in order to move forward
- give yourself time to recover (but remember, it may take the other person more or less time to recover as individuals)
- allow yourself to be vulnerable–you’re human (it can be crucial for healing and regaining your self-confidence to overcome issues at hand); allow yourself time to process the setback and authentically experience the associated emotions
- don’t forget your strengths, the strengths of the relationship, and the strengths of the other person involved in the setback
- approach the setback as an opportunity to work on your ways to cope with (future) issues that could also affect your relationship; be open to learn healthy habits in order to overcome challenges in a progressive manner
- there’s always room for self-improvement, no human is made of stone
- be willing to express yourself in an honest and truthful manner, (e.g., it’s okay to feel sad and cry, feel indecisive or fearful)
- remember: “Life is a complicated mess of emotions, responsibilities, conflicting desires, and unanticipated consequences.”
- realize that setbacks happen to the healthiest relationships and the most compatible couples; sudden conflicts that test your mutual connection may be severed, flipping your relationship on its head–it’s how you react to it (and the manner in which you move forward) that makes all the difference about the nature of your relationship
- acknowledge that setbacks are inevitable; what’s expected: mutual trust may be replaced with doubt and hurt; anger or frustration may take the place of the love you felt all before; a loss of trust, experiencing intense loss, hardship, or a changed perspective all have the power to challenge a relationship’s prosperity between individuals who still love each other
- remember: “Facing hardships on your journey is life’s way of forcing us to be certain of our purpose,” intentions, and desires
Life has just begun.
chuckakot